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                  *-D-*-*-O-*-*-O-*-*-M-*    I N S A N I T Y
                       Release v5.5 - STANDARD Revision
             Written by: Hank Leukart (ap641@cleveland.freenet.edu)
           "DOOM: Where the sanest place... is behind a trigger."
           "DOOM: Such mayhem the likes of which have never
                  been witnessed in this particular dimension!"
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============
INTRODUCTION
============

        DOOM iNsAnItY started as a small joke in the first "Official" DOOM
FAQ v1.0.  It slowly grew, and by v5.0 of the FAQ, it was almost 20% of
100k FAQ!  I finally decided to release it as a seperate file.  This will
probably be the last release of DOOM iNsAnItY, so enjoy it while you can!

=================
TABLE OF CONTENTS
=================

[1] Comedy
        [1-1] A word from Douglas J. Bottoms
        [1-2] DOOM: The Real Thing
        [1-3] Beta-Tester's Joystick Sliced Off While Sleeping
              at Computer!
        [1-4] The Night Before DOOM
        [1-5] You know you have been playing DOOM too long when...
        [1-6] DOOM: Opening a door to hell
[2] Top Ten Lists
        [2-1] Top Ten Things To Do While Waiting for DOOM
        [2-2] Top Ten Things To Do Until DOOM Arrives
        [2-3] Top Ten Things Being Removed From DOOM During Delay
        [2-4] Top Ten Reasons DOOM Was Delayed
        [2-5] Top Twenty Comments Made After DOOM's Release
[3] DOOM R.E.M.
        [3-1] Pixelated Demons
        [3-2] The Mythical Beta Releases
        [3-3] You Don't Take MasterCard?!

-------------------
CHAPTER [1]: Comedy
-------------------

        This is the chapter of DOOM iNsAnItY where free-form comedy
is written.

[1-1]: A word from Douglas J. Bottoms
=====================================
        FOREWORD:  Here's the first addition to DOOM iNsAnItY!
This was posted on comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.action on Thursday,
October 21, 1993.  He speaks on a new game idea: id programmers
as bad guys in DOOM.

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Subject: NEW GAME!  id programmers as bad guys in DOOM!
From: Douglas J. Bottoms <DBottoms@Lilly.Com>
Date: Thu Oct 21 10:00:02 1993

That's it!!  I new twist on the game!!!  The DOOM good guys are idle
gaming buffs who have finally cracked and can no longer wait for the
release of the only game that will make ALL OTHER games seem like PONG!
Blind Wolfenstein will no longer simmer the anger!  They go slap-happy and
grab their multidimensional boots and gloves (with snazzy smooth shading)
and go to the id programmers' dungeon/lair.  It will be a slaughter!
Pixilated programmers, peeved project leaders, panting personnel...the
works.  The big bosses could be just that, the big bosses, especially the
one who just made a press release that DOOM would be delayed another few
months (this is make believe, of course - (squint) you aren't going to
delay the release (pant, pant);  look into my eyes  (o)(o) (imagine
reversing sound) and repeat after me, "I must release DOOM soon.  I must
program, eat, sleep day and night."  Mu who ha ha ha!).

Excuse my sanity.  I get a bit zany when I get thinking about the soon to
be released game that will resolve the U.S.' Deficit and save the rats
from being beheaded on the space shuttle.  I see the sun raising...

The thoughts expressed here are entirely my own and do not necessarily
reflect the thoughts of any other individual or group affiliated with Eli
Lilly and Company.
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[1-2]: DOOM: The Real Thing
===========================
        FOREWORD: This messages was posted from gills@qucdn.queensu.ca on
Usenet in the group comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.action on Monday,
November 15, 1993.  He has a new idea: playing DOOM in REAL LIFE!

----------
Howdy,

        Yes, like all you DOOM fans I have been eagerly awaiting the release
date for this landmark game.  Although I was very disappointed in the
release date being bumped up from 3rd quarter '93 to Dec 10, I limited my
anger and frustration to strangling my neighbour's cat (didn't like it much
anyways....   ;)   ).

        But, NOW I'm forced to read all the great stuff about the Beta
release that some people have been lucky enough to get their hands on.
....well, not FORCED to read it, but I can't help absorbing every bit of
information I can possibly locate.   :)

        I can't handle the fact that some people have tried the game now,
and I haven't, so I thought I might pull out my brass knuckles and 12 gauge
pump shotgun and start up a *REAL* DOOM game. I figured that I, and 3 other
frustrated DOOM awaiters, could meet up at an abandoned warehouse or
something and have a rip snortin' Death Match of our own.  We could throw
some shotgun shells and ammo boxes randomly around the place, along with
some first-aid kits (fine for light grazes from perhaps a .22 calibre round
but not much good for a 12 gauge belly wound  :)  ) - then we go at it !!!

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